Dark NightsMen Don't Cry
by HyenaAA
Summary: Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer and Kahn are off to the biggest Ford Mower event of the year, only to become stranded at the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere past the midnight hour. When a stranger arrives to help, they find themselves lost in a hell fighting for survival and dignity from a gang of sick fucks.
1. Chapter 1

Dark Nights/Men Don't Cry

Chapter 1/INTRO

"Hank, I don't see why you can't just leave in the morning!" Peggy complained again.

"Because, Peggy, the traffic! The Ford mower event attracts a lot of people to Dallas. It's just smarter to leave the night before" said Hank for the umpteenth time.

"It just seems unnecessary, everything's packed, you could just set the alarm for 6!" argued Peggy.

"that's what everyone else will be doing! And the guys are already packed and ready to go." said Hank.

As if on cue, a car honked outside.

"Dang, Dale's fast when he's excited" said Hank.

"Bye Dad! Have a good lawn mower party thing!" exclaimed Bobby.

"You be good son, take care while I'm gone" said Hank. He turned to Peggy, who continued to glare at him with her arms crossed.

"Oh come on, Peg, I'll be back in two days, it's the ford mower event of the year!"

Peggy sighed, then smiled.

"there you go!" He said.

She leaned in to kiss him, but he blocked her by sticking out his hand, "woah, Peggy, the boy's right there, just a handshake" he whispered.

Peggy looked shocked for a second, sighed, and shook his hand.

"See you in two days" He said.

"Goodnight Hank" she said coldly.

He grabbed his suitcase and stepped out the house into the crisp night air. The moon was full tonight, illuminating the night. It's only competition was Dale's Dead bug Vans headlights, shining directly at Hanks house.

Dale honked the horn again, "Come on Hank, get in!"

"Easy Dale, you'll wake the whole neighborhood!" Hank shouted, hopping into the passenger seat.

"We're going to the mower show, We're going to the mower show!" Bill sang off key from the back of the van.

"Yeah, man, vroom vroom, down to Dallas!" Boomhauer mumbled, leaning against the other wall of the van.

Kahn sat in between them, looking rather displeased, "Can't believe stuck in Van with redneck hillbillies, but it's all worth it for the FORD MOTOR EVENT OF THE YEAR!" Kahn whipped out two FORD streamer flags and began waving them around the van.

"Woah, easy there Kahn, save some for the mowers!" exclaimed Hank. He checked his watch. 11PM.

"And away we go!" Dale shifted gears to reverse, sped out the driveway, shifted to drive and sped off down the road.


	2. Chapter 2

Dark Nights/Men Don't Cry

Chapter 2

Dale's Dead Bug Van sped down the empty night highway, free from the restraints of traffic.

"Woah, easy there Dale, you're almost going over the limit" Hank warned sternly.

"Hah! Look at cop over here!" Dale joked. Bill, Boomhauer and Kahn laughed.

"I just don't want to get pulled over on the way to something big like this, can't get too excited" Hank stated.

"We making great timing! Loosen up, Hank Hill!" Kahn shouted from the back in between laughter.

Hank sighed.

He glanced out the window, looking at the small isolated towns in the distance. The moonlight lit up the plains of fields of Texas for miles on this night.

Suddenly the Van lurched and spluttered.

"What the hell?" Hank asked as the Van slowed down, eventually coming to a complete stop at the side of the road.

"Yo man, what's going on, what the hell?" Boomhauer demanded.

"I uh... I don't know" Dale began.

"Dale, you giblet head! You're out of gas! Did you not fill up before we left?!" Hank demanded.

"I ... I meant to ... but I guess I didn't "Dale stuttered.

"ARGH! Stuck in middle of nowhere with Redneck Hillbillies, just typical!" Kahn shouted as Bill let out a wimpy cry. Boomahuer just shook his head, staring at the floor.

"Did you at least bring some extra gas, anything in the back?" Hank asked.

Dale shook his head, staring down at his lap.

Hank sighed, "Alright, someone call for a ride, Kahn?" Hank asked.

Kahn shook his head, "Hell no, Minh keep telling me this mower event stupid all week. She don't get it. I can't call her like this"

Hank sighed again and looked at Boomhauer.

"Yo man, sorry... got nothing"

He knew it was pointless to ask Bill. He didn't need any more reminders of how lonely he was.

"Dale, you got us into this, call up Nancy." Hank ordered.

"Can't do that" mumbled Dale.

"Dale, what the hell! Just call her up!"

"Can't do that, Nancy's working in six hours, she can't risk it for us, she'll get fired. And then I ain't got money" said Dale in a defeated voice, "Hey, wait! Hank, call Peggy! She doesn't work!" Dale exclaimed.

"I can't call Peggy, she's been against this the whole time, and she does work! she's been substitute teacher of the year!"

"Twice" added Bill matter-of-factly .

"Pshh, that's not working, just call Peggy!" Dale argued back.

"Yeah man, It's spooky out here, cold too" mumbled Boomhauer.

"Do it, Redneck!" Kahn shouted.

Hank sighed one more time, pulled out his cellphone and climbed out the van. There was no reason his friends needed to hear Peggy chew him out.

He began dialing the number but stopped. He looked up to see approaching headlights. Possibly help!

He waved his arms out at the approaching car, calling "Hey! Hey you! Stop!"

It eventually slowed to a halt, a green minivan stopping beside them.

_A woman driving out at this hour?_ thought Hank.

The passenger window rolled down, and a man with a clean cut haircut and button up shirt looked at him.

"Can I help you?" He asked. There was neither friendliness nor hostility in his voice.

"Hey, yeah, me and my friends were headed to the Ford Mower show, but my friend... he's an idiot... didn't fill up before leaving Arlen, can you take us to a gas station or something?" Hank asked.

"You going to the Ford Mower show too?" The man asked.

"Yeah! It would be great if you could lend a fellow mower a hand!" Hank exclaimed.

"Hell, I wont just lend a hand, hop on in, I can take you to Dallas!" The man laughed back.

"Hank! What's going on out there? Is he going to help out?" Dale shouted from the Van.

"He's a fellow mower! Heading to Dallas just like we are! He's offering us a ride!" Hank shouted joyfully.

A second later the back of the van burst open and Bill, Boomhauer and Kahn hopped out.

"Woah, there's a few of you, eh?" The man asked, his smile fading quickly.

"Yeah, five of us altogether" said Hank.

"Hmm, that ... that'll do just fine, hop in" He said, pushing the unlock button.

They climbed in, leaving Dale's Dead Bug Van stranded alone on the highway.

"So, what's your name, stranger?" Hank asked.

"Jack, Jack Thompson" said Jack.

"Well, Jack, I would shake your hand if you weren't driving. You heading to Dallas overnight to avoid the traffic too?" asked Hank.

"Yeah, I hate that traffic, man, doesn't work for me" he said, staring down the road the entire time. His face showed no emotion, his lips neither frowning nor smiling. He reached inside his pocket and pulled out a cellphone, typing out a text message with one hand.

"Woah, you're not texting and driving , right?" Hank asked nervously, "That's illegal."

"Sorry about Hank, he's the no fun police!" Dale shouted from the backseat, before bursting out into laughter. Bill, Boomhauer and Kahn joined in.

Hank faked a chuckle before saying "It's just not the safest way to drive."

"The roads empty, it's fine" said Jack, before pushing SEND and setting the phone aside in his pocket.

They drove for another ten minutes, before Jack took a random right onto some country road.

"Woah, where are you going?" Hank asked.

"Short cut, I know these parts" said Jack firmly.

"You sure about that?" Hank asked again, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, like I said, I know these parts"

Hank opened his mouth to argue, but Kahn interrupted him, "Just let the man drive, anything's better than being stuck on the side of the road, or getting driven back home with Peggy!"

"Woah, check that out man, nice bike!" Boomhauer exclaimed. Hank looked over his shoulder out the window, where a dirtbike was off roading beside them.

"Oh right, sometimes the locals drive around at night, just ignore him" said Jack.

The motorist on the dirtbike had a slick looking helmet with a red Mohawk adorning. He revved the engine loudly, looked at them for a second and then sped off in a different direction.

"I wish I had one of those, then I would be out getting the women" said Bill jealously.

"It's tough man, woman ain't as easy as they used to be" said Jack.

"It seemed like it just suddenly all went away... Lenore left me... just have the ring left" Bill's voice trembled slightly.

"Hey, it's tough. But divorce ain't the end, you and me, we just have to pull ourselves out, no matter how hard it gets" Jack said firmly.

Bill looked up, a slight smile on his face.

"Did she take everything from you too?" Bill asked.

"Almost. Left the kids." said Jack.

"And this van?" asked Hank.

Jack ignored him, "Hey, you fella's don't mind if we stop in a little bit? There's a gas station I like nearby, I just want to grab some coffee for the road."

"Nothing wrong with that" said Dale.

Jack took them through a few streets that Hank would have never even seen, passing by dark small town homes and shops.

"Where are we right now?" asked Hank.

"Some friendly little community in the county, don't worry about it" said Jack firmly.

"I kind of wish you had stayed a little closer to the highway" Hank asked again.

"I said, don't worry about it. Here we are."

The minivan slowed to a stop in front of an old looking motel with a single streetlamp for light. Just over half a dozen men were standing around, a few smoking cigarettes. the parking lot was empty except for a few broken bottles and a dirt bike. Hank noted the red Mohawk helmet of the motorist leaning against it.

"What are we doing here?" Hank asked.

"Don't worry about it." Jack replied once more, before turning off the engine and stepping out the van.


	3. Chapter 3

Dark Nights/Men Don't Cry

Chapter 3

"Jack, my brother! So great to see you again!" exclaimed a man who looked to be in his mid thirties. From the small amount of light, Hank could see a friendly rough around the edges face. He had longish hair and stubble growing around his face, but his neck was clean shaved. His presence emanated a welcoming vibe, but none of the others gave off the same feeling.

"Flint,it's been a while" replied Jack.

"It has, I see you brought some friends." Said Flint. He approached Hank.

"We're not friends... he's just giving us a ride" said Hank. Despite Flint's unkempt looking appearance, Hank found him oddly likeable. He walked like one who knew the road and knew freedom. His nose was crooked, broken from past experiences that only showed he could handle trouble whenever it came looking.

"Hank! Don't be rude, Jack's a real friend" said Bill, "We're kindred spirits."

A couple of the other men laughed. Jack said nothing.

"Hank, so that's your name? Flint, nice to meet you" He extended his hand.

"Well, nice to meet you... Flint" said Hank. They shook hands. Hank noticed how firm his handshake was. A true mans handshake. A little bit of cleaning around the edges and Flint could almost make a perfect acquaintance.

"Me and Jack here, we're not really brothers, just good pals. So, where you guy's headed?" He asked.

"Just into Dallas-"Hank began, but was interrupted by Kahn and Dale shouting "THE FORD MOWER EVENT OF THE YEAR!"

"Alright, we got some mowers around here, you know, you can always tell a man by how he keeps his lawn" shouted Flint, looking briefly at the other men. A few men nodded in agreement. One of them, definitely the youngest, shouted "Hell yeah!" while punching his fist in the air. His hair hung over his shoulders and a long greasy mullet, trailing down his ratty looking denim vest.

"Jackal, calm down" Flint growled quickly.

The mulleted man named Jackal stopped fistbumping, but Hank noticed his eye twitching from time to time. He couldn't have been older than twenty. Hank looked at the others quickly, taken them in. A fat bearded bikerish man covered with tattoos and a headband was leaning against the motel wall, smoking a cigarette behind Jackal.

On the other side of Flint, an even fatter man, with a greying neckbeard, boyish face and long dirty unkempt hair fidgeted with his fingernails, looking at Hank and the others but avoiding eye contact. A fourth man was leaning against the motel door, wearing a khaki shirt and also having a smoke. Hank couldn't quite tell why, but he had the air of authority similar to a cop or military man. The most unsettling thing about him was the apparent firearm strapped to his waist.

Hank looked over to the motorist with the red mohawk was ignoring them, instead searching through a knapsack attached to his bike. Just outside of the light, Hank could see another figure of a large man, but he couldn't make out any other details, but he could see what looked like a crossbow not far away, resting against the wall.

"So, heading into Dallas, bit of a long drive" said Flint while pulling out a cigarette, bringing back Hanks attention.

"Yeah, it would be nice if we could get back to it" said Hank.

"Well, I don't know how to say this" began Flint. He paused, lighting the smoke with a zippo lighter, and exhaled a small cloud of smoke, before speaking, "But you're not going to Mower show tonight."

"What do you mean?" Asked Bill nervously, just as all the men tensed up.

"I mean, you're staying here tonight. Maybe for a long time" Said Flint, the air of friendliness fading quickly.

"You better cut this out,or I'm going to call the cops" Said Hank firmly.

Flint laughed, "Go for it."

He flicked away the cigarette, took one step forward and sucker punched Hank in the face, knocking him off his feet to the concrete.

"HANK!" Dale and Bill shouted.

Jackal let out an ear piercing scream and charged forward , leaping seven feet through the air and grabbing onto Dale, pulling him to the floor.

"We're going to party tonight" said Flint, licking his lips. Hank tried to get to his feet, but the tattooed bearded man walked over, grabbed him by his shirt and flung him against the side of the minivan.

"Woah, watch the fucking paint!" Jack shouted.

"Shut the fuck up" Flint ordered.

Hank reeled in pain on the parking lot ground, looking over to see the coked out Jackal beating the shit out of the Dale. Bill tired to pull him off, but instead took five fists to the face at near break neck speed.

"Yo man, fuck this!" Boomhauer screamed, sprinting down the road.

"Boomhauer!" Hank wheezed out. The tattooed bearded man kicked him hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. All he could do was watch Boomhauer flee.

The dirtbike engine blared to life, and the red mohawk motorist sped off down the road after Boomhauer, swinging a chain in the air.

"Get that skinny Bitch!" Flint shouted, laughing.

Jackal finished wailing on Bill by kneeing him in the crotch with ferocious speed before turning to face Kahn. He threw a punch, but Kahn dodged it unexpectedly. Jackal looked surprised, and even more so when Kahn jabbed him in the ribs with one hand and smoked the side of his face with the other, sending the coked out teen to the ground.

"Fucking Asian twigman" The bearded tattoo man spat, kicking Hank once more before heading over to deal with Kahn.

"Kahn! Look out!" Hank tried to warn, but his stomach hurt too much. He put his arm against the minivan to balance himself, and slowly pulled himself to his feet, hoping the others were too distracted by Kahn to notice him.

"Knock him out, Bruiser" Flint ordered.

Bruiser threw a fist at Kahn, who sidestepped it.

"Too slow, redneck!" Kahn shouted, landing three quick jabs into Bruisers gut, but they seemed to do nothing. Bruiser's fist on the other hand, collided against Kahns face and forcing him on his back.

"Nice one!" The man leaning against the motel door called out.

Kahn was quick to get back on his feet though. Bruiser threw another punch, but Kahn sidestepped and got behind him. He grabbed the end of Bruiser's shirt and yanked it over his head , blocking his vision before kneeing him from behind in the crotch.

The other men laughed, but Flint felt differently.

"This is getting stupid." Flint growled, pulling out a pistol.

"NO!" Hank jumped him from the side, wrestling him for the gun.

"Fuck off!" Flint shouted, as they struggled for the gun. Two shots fired, breaking the windows of the minivan.

"Watch it!" Jack rushed over to grab Hank.

"POCKET SAND!" Dale hissed, leaping out of nowhere and throwing sand in Jacks face.

"MY EYES!" He screamed as Dale slapped him in the side of the head (which did nothing) while stealing his keys from his pocket with his other hand in one swift motion.

"Shi sha! I got his keys!" Dale shouted, before sliding across the hood of the minivan and hopping into the driver seat, "Lets go, go!"

Hank headbutted Flint without thinking before disengaging and jumping into the passenger seat.

"GO! GO! GO!" Kahn screamed, already in the backseat.

The minivan engine came to life, and Dale hit the gas in reverse. Hank looked up to see Flint and the man from the door way both pull out pistols. Bullets peppered the front of the van, and Hank ducked as one went straight through the car seat where his head had been a moment ago.

"LETS GET OUT OF HERE!" Kahn screamed.

Hank looked up again.

"Oh no... WE FORGOT BILL!" He shouted. Kahn grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back down just as a crossbow bolt shot through the car.

"Forget Bill! Let's get the fuck out of here!" Dale screamed.

* * *

Flint paced back and forth, pistol still in hand, glaring at the speeding away minivan.

"Motherfuckers got away!" he spat.

"They won't get far" said Jack, "They have no idea how to get back to the road"

"Fuck, whatever, we'll get them. Looks like these two idiots got their ass beat though" he growled, motioning to Jackal and Bruiser. "It's not like you helped much, Don, you fat sack of shit" He glared at the obese man with the greying neckbeard.

Don let out a pitiful cry.

"What about that one?" Jack asked, pointing at Bill, who was still crying on the ground.

"He'll squeal like a pig " said Flint with a sick smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Dark Night/Men Don't Cry

Chapter 4

Boomhauer ran down some dark empty road, terrified and alone. all that mattered now was to run, and hide. He could hear shouting back in the motel parking lot, his friends screams mixed in with the laughter of the strangers.

"Oh shit, man, yo, this is fucked!" he swore while running.

The low rumble of the engine was the first thing he heard. He looked over his shoulder and had to cover his eyes from the blinding shine of the headlights.

"NO!" he screamed, running to a full sprint off the road.

The dirtbike was immediately upon him. the Rider threw a chain which wrapped around boomhauer's legs. He tripped and fell face first onto the concrete.

"Hey, what the hell man, what the fuck!" he swore. His lip was swollen, but he had miraculously missed the curb by a few inches.

The dirt bike came to a stop, and the rider dismounted. He reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a gun in one hand and what looked like a set of leather belts in the other.

"no... what are you... come on man... no!" pleaded Boomhauer as the man approached.

* * *

Dale sped down the road in the van , taking random turns without thinking in a frenzied rush.

"Dale, slow down! we have to go back for Bill!" Hank pleaded.

"Screw that, lets get out of here!" Kahn argued.

"Two to one, Hank, Bills on his own!" Dale shouted, visibly shaken.

"Damnit, I'm calling the police!" said Hank, pulling out his cellphone. It was cracked, broken from when he was sucker punched.

"Shoot, Kahn, pass me your phone" he asked.

"Nah, have mine" said Dale, reaching into his pocket.

"THE ROAD!" Kahn and Hank shouted at once, as the minivan drove over a pothole, popped a tire and swerved into a streetlamp.

Hank braced himself as the minivan collided head on. His face slammed forward into the airbag while the rest of the windows of the van shattered.

"Holy... my head... god dang it" he mumbled, stumbling out of the minivan. He fell to his knees and felt his face. Somehow he still had his glasses. He looked up and down the dark street, but saw no one else.

"Oh God, my head... stupid redneck driving!" Kahn swore, climbing out the back. He extended a hand to Hank, "Where's Dale going? Crazy redneck" he asked.

Hank looked over to see Dale running off into some foliage, apparently fueled by an adrenaline rush.

"God damnit... DALE! GET BACK HERE!" He called out, but dale was already gone in the night.

"Should we follow him?" Kahn asked. He started after Dale but fell against the minivan, "god damn leg hurts, can't run so good" he complained.

Hank shook his head, "Let's get our bearings, he'll be back. do you still got your cellphone?" Hank asked, "I'm going to call the cops."

Kahn nodded and pulled out his phone.

Hank was just about to finish dialing 911 when he heard approaching footsteps.

"What the fuck man, my fucking car" growled a familiar voice.

Hank looked over his shoulder to see Jack approaching, a pistol in his hand pointed at Hank.

"Put down the phone" he ordered.

"I'm calling the cops" said Hank.

"I said put down the gun" Jack repeated.

Hank looked to Kahn, who shook his head.

"Look man, don't make this any more worse, you've already fucked up my life as is" said Jack. There was a strange sense of pity to his voice.

"You're life? The hell you talking about? How did you catch up to us?!" Hank demanded, his finger still over the "call" button.

_Make the call! _ Kahn mouthed to him.

Jack shook his head, "you're kidding right? All you did was drive in a big circle! And look what you did to my van! that's my wife's van! you think insurance will cover this!? My payments are through the roof as is!"

"What? wife?! You said you were divorced!" said Hank.

"Divorced, dead, same thing to me, so listen up. Do you have kids?" He demanded.

"What?" asked Hank, taken aback.

"I said, do you have kids?" He demanded again, a little slower.

"I'm not going to answer that" said Hank.

"What about you, Chinaman? You got kids?" Jack asked, pointing the gun at Kahn.

"Get that thing away from me, I'm Laotian!" Kahn spat back indignantly.

"Chinese , Japanese , Wapanese, no difference man. But you guy's are Dads! I know this shit, you and me? We're the same! And you know it's tough, man, did you look closely at that Van? My kids are disabled, man. Handicapped. So what the hell am I suppose to do now? You trashed my god damn van!" Jack was shaking slightly, "I can't let some pricks get away with this, do you understand? Do you get me, Hank? Chinaman?" He demanded.

"It's Kahn!" Kahn spat back.

"Hank, Kahn, it's not different. We're family men, we're in this together. but now, I can't support my fucking family, because you pricks wanted to go for a joyride!"

"You're insane!" shouted Hank.

"Am I? I'm just a working man getting through the day. Fuck you man!" Jack began to rant.

Out of the corner of Hanks eyes, he saw red and blue lights.

_Yes, the police!_ He thought to himself.

"I work hard man, I do the old 9 to 5. I don't even have time for some fucking mower event. I can't even afford a Ford, but I put my time in! Do you love your kids? Huh, Hank? Kahn? Do you love your kids?" He demanded.

"Please put down the gun" said Hank.

"This is just getting started" whispered Jack, just as the police cruiser pulled up. SHERIFF was written along the side door.

The window rolled down, and an authoritative voice spoke out "Gentleman, is there a problem?"

"You're God damn right there is, this guy's trying to kill us!" Kahn shouted.

Jack lowered the pistol. The Sheriff cruiser opened, and an officer of the law in a khaki colored uniform stepped out.

"Sheriff Hoyt, at your service, we'll have this figured out real fast" said the sheriff.

"you got to help us, there's these nut jobs, this guy included, they have our friend... wait a moment" Hank trailed off as Sheriff Hoyt pulled out a nightstick and whacked it against Kahn's stomach. Kahn immediately crumbled to the ground.

"What are you doing!? NO!" Hank shouted as the sheriff jabbed him hard in the gut with the tip of the nightstick. He keeled over, falling to his knees.

"On the ground!" sheriff Hoyt ordered, whacking Hank in the back , forcing him to the cold road.

He pulled out two handcuffs and tossed one to Jack.

"I knew they wouldn't get far" the sheriff snickered.

"Wish my van wasn't fucked though" replied Jack, "Where are they going?"

The Sheriff finished cuffing Hank, tightening them so they dug into his wrist.

"Don and the... _executioner_ called a stake on these ones" Sheriff Hoyt answered.

"I call what's left" sneered Jack.

"what the hell is wrong with you people!" Hank shouted.

"Please get the gags from the back, Listening to meat like this lost it's fun years ago" ordered the Sheriff. He looked down at Hank, and spat on his face.

"You're both in for a world of hurt..."


	5. Chapter 5

Dark Night/Men Don't Cry

Chapter 5

Hank tried making eye contact with Kahn, but only saw the side of his head. The handcuffs dug into his wrists, his feet were bound together and the gag made it tough to breath. The police cruiser was driving them back to the what Hank assumed was the motel. He looked out the window, hoping there would be someone else not fucked up outside who could help, but all he saw was empty fields and a few homes spread out. Sheriff Hoyt and Jack were talking together in the front. The sheriff reached for his radio mic.

"Hey, Chief, we got two of them. One left out there on foot, he won't get far" said sheriff Hoyt.

"Nice one, hey check this out, listen up!" Hank heard Flint through the radio.

"say oink, little piggy, come on , do it!" Flint ordered.

Hank listened closely. He heard Bills voice come through.

"Oink! Oink! Oh God why are you doing this!?" Bill screamed , "I want to go home, I want-" His voice was cut off by the sound of struggling.

"Isn't that fucking awesome? Anyways, did you guys get Hank?" Flint asked.

"Yeah, Hank and the Chinese guy, the fighting one" sheriff Hoyt replied.

"Great, leave Hank alive, the others don't matter, over" said Flint.

The Sheriff turned off the radio and looked up in the rear view mirror at Hank. He gave a wink before looking back at the road.

"You know he's Laotian, not actually Chinese" said Jack.

"What difference does it make? He's a squirrelly squinty eyed fuck to me." The sheriff replied.

"Don't say that to Riggs, I mean, _the Executioner. _He loves himself a hairless Japanese girl." said Jack.

"Hopefully this guy meets his standard" said the Sheriff.

"Either way, they'll be walking funny" Jack joked. They both started laughing. Kahn tried to protest, but all that came out were muffled sounds. They laughed even harder.

_What the hell is going on?!_ Hank wondered, felling terrified. All he wanted to do was go back home, but it seemed pretty unlikely at the moment.

Just then, the dirt biker sped by them, revving his engine obnoxiously.

"Hey, check it out boys, Motormouths got one of your friends" Sheriff Hoyt pointed out. The dirt biker slowed down and paced himself so he was driving alongside the police cruiser. Hank immediately recognized the red Mohawk on the helmet, but it took him a moment to figure out who the passenger was.

"Boomhauer?!" He would have shouted if his mouth wasn't gagged.

Boomhauer was riding on the back of the dirt biker, handcuffed to the license plate. There was leash tied to a dog collar around his neck that was connected to the driver. His old clothes had been replaced with a leather bondage harness. His mouth was gagged and his eyes were blindfolded.

"Motormouth likes to freak out his prize, before taking them" said Jack, noting Hank and Kahn's terrified faces.

As if on cue, Motormouth revved the engine and pulled back the handles, pulling up into an intense wheelie and speeding off, Boomhauer nearly falling off but stopping at the last second.

"You'll wish you were in his place soon enough" laughed Jack.

The police cruiser pulled over to a stop in front of an old barn. The fat old man with the neck beard was standing outside.

"Here's your stop, everyone out!" sheriff Hoyt ordered. He opened up the back doors and pulled Hank and Kahn out.

"Oh, good... good catch. He's uh, he's inside, getting prepared" said the fat old man. His voice seemed unusually high pitched.

"Your problem now, Don" The sheriff said, pushing Hank to the ground, "Get the fuck inside, sit down" He ordered.

Hank looked up at him. Sheriff Hoyt and Jack both drew pistols, but Don seemed hesitant. He got to his feet as best he could and followed Kahn inside the barn. There was one light hanging from the ceiling, shining a light on two wooden chairs.

"Hey, uh, just take a seat. just be calm, alright?" asked Don. He seemed to have a pitch control problem. Hank could hear the sound of a grinding wheel coming from behind a door at the back of the barn. The sheriff grabbed some rope from a stall and tied Hank and Kahn to their respective chairs.

"Alright, you boys have fun" said Sheriff Hoyt, "I'll be bringing your last friend here shortly." He left the barn with Jack, leaving Hank, Kahn and Don alone in the barn.

Don seemed uncomfortable, He kept fidgeting his hands and chewing on his fingernails, as if he was unsure what to do. Aside from Don's weird sounds, the only other noise was what Hank assumed was a grinding wheel in the backroom.

"So... you two... you like mowers? That's... that's pretty cool" said don, walking behind them.

Kahn looked over at Hank, a look of disgust on his face.

Hank's entire body shivered when he felt Don's disgusting fingers touch his neck.

"You got... you have nice skin... for a man your age" he whispered into Hank's ear. Hank cringed as Don's onion scented breathe wafted around his head.

"sorry... about this,... but I can make it up to you. Until, uh, _he's _ready." said Don, motioning towards the back door.

"Now just... just relax" he said, putting his hands on Hank's shoulders and slowly but invasively massaging him.

"You, your a family man, right?" He asked nervously while working Hanks shoulders, slowly moving down his back.

Hank didn't answer, he was busy trying to will himself out of his body. Kahn just stared with wide horrified eyes.

"You don't need to answer, here, I can, I can just answer for you" said Don. Hank felt his arms move down his back. He closed his eyes, praying the moment would stop. Instead of being groped, Don just took out his wallet from his back pocket.

"I'm just going, you know, check this" he whispered, licking his lips.

He opened Hank's wallet and leafed through it, stopping at a picture of Peggy.

"Woof" he whispered, tossing the photo over his shoulder. Hank glared at him.

"Woah, here we go, this your boy?" He asked, holding up a picture of Bobby.

Hank just glared at him.

"I can see, see the resemblance, you know. This is your boy. Man, I've always wanted my own family, you know, I could be the big family guy, have the wife come home, do everything I've ever wanted" he trailed off into the fantasy with a bizarre cross eyed smile on his face. Hank glared at him.

"Stay the fuck away from my family!" He tried to shout, but only muffles came out.

Don looked back at him, "Hey, now, hey, come on, you should be proud. Maybe, after all this... I could take care of your boy, maybe teach him a or two, ARGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" He screamed as Hank leapt forward, throwing his entire body weight and headbutting Don in the gut. His gag came loose as he fell to the floor.

"Kahn! Run!" He shouted, while trying to get to his feet while still being tied to the chair.

Kahn had better balance, and managed to awkwardly hop while being hunched over towards the barn door.

"Why! Why'd you do that! WHY!?" Don demanded, trying to get to his feet. Despite being tied up, Hank managed to get back up, and hopped after Kahn, who was managing to just slowly open the barn door inch by inch.

"Hurry, come on!" Hank shouted. He looked over his shoulder to see Don running over.

"Fuck you!" Hank shouted, jumping backwards and hitting Don in the gut with the four chair legs. Don fell backwards to the floor again, holding his stomach and wheezing uncontrollably.

Kahn managed to get the barn door open wide enough.

The door at the back of the barn slammed open, and a massive shadowy figure charged out towards them.

"Kahn! run!" Hank shouted. Kahn hopped out of the barn, Hank right behind him. He got about three feet before the mountain of a man in black leather armor and a black hood grabbed the back of his chair and yanked him to the ground.

"NO!" Hank screamed. From his view on the ground he saw Kahn hopping down the street, and the oncoming police cruiser heading straight for him.

He closed his eyes and heard the squealing of the brakes, followed by the sound of impact and breaking wood.

"Kahn!" Hank shouted, opening his eyes.

Kahn was a few feet ahead of him, his face bloodied up and his body broken. One leg was bent at the knee in the wrong angle. A thin trail of blood began to leak from his nose.

"KAHN!" Hank shouted again.

Sheriff Hoyt climbed out of the car, "Mother fucking china man, should have watched the fucking road" He swore, pulling out his pistol. Hank looked up at him and saw Dale in the back of the cruiser.

"KAHN! NO!" Hank screamed as the Sheriff pointed the pistol, pulled the trigger, and shot a .22 calibre round through Kahns skull.


End file.
